Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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