Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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