I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
