i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize