You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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