Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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