I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
