I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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