There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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