did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize