I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need water and some morals
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize