if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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