If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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