I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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