Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
