I think my fart just growled at me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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