we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
