I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
