Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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