My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
