My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
