Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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