i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
