I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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