just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
