And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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