I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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