She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
