I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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