hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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