theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
