I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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