i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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