Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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