I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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