i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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