My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
