I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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