I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
