I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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