How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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