I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
