Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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