She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize