there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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