every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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