i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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