If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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