the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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