You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
