Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
