So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She needs sedatives and a leash
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize