I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
