Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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