I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dignity is for republicans.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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