escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
