Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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