there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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