I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
