i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His hands were made for my vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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