i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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