her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
