I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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