yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
