Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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