Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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