why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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