atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
