Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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