not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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