just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
