i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Im part way to drunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
