I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
