doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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