i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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