I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
