so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
