Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize