We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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