I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
