is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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