break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
