Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
